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 Topic: Parenting a young lesbian

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pschuen  



Joined: 08 Apr 2005
Posts: 4


Posted: 8 Apr 2005, 9:45 am    Post subject: Parenting a young lesbian Reply with quote

Where can I find information about how lesbians experienced childhood? I am 99% sure that my 8 year old daughter will identify as lesbian, and my husband and I want to support her all the way. Where can I find information on feelings, thoughts, behaviors, relationships, speech and language, activity preferences, learning styles, sensations, and physical life preferences of young lesbians? I am starting to think this should be my dissertation topic: Lesbian Identity in Childhood Development. Thanks in advance for your contribution!--Pam
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drsilva  



Joined: 30 Apr 2005
Posts: 1


Posted: 30 Apr 2005, 3:36 pm    Post subject: Re: Parenting a young lesbian Reply with quote

pschuen wrote:
Where can I find information about how lesbians experienced childhood? I am 99% sure that my 8 year old daughter will identify as lesbian, and my husband and I want to support her all the way. Where can I find information on feelings, thoughts, behaviors, relationships, speech and language, activity preferences, learning styles, sensations, and physical life preferences of young lesbians? I am starting to think this should be my dissertation topic: Lesbian Identity in Childhood Development. Thanks in advance for your contribution!--Pam




Hi, I don't know if this is what you were looking for, but try YOUTH.ORG
It's an online info booklet for lesbian youth. Hope it helps.

Also, There might be some msn groups that may have info or people to talk to.
If not, you can always start one. drsilva..
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RachaelNW  



Joined: 28 Apr 2005
Posts: 2
Interests: Reading, writing, philosophy (particulary Nietzsche), music (Alternative; personally, classical; while studying, dance/trance; socially), arthouse/foreign cinema, psychology, talking to interesting people.
Physical Location: Sydney, Australia

Posted: 1 May 2005, 5:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Firstly, I think you're approaching this wrongly. "Parenting a young lesbian", as you put it, is not distinctly diifferent from parenting a heterosexual young girl. Also, you say this child is 8, and while you say you are 99% sure, she would not have hit puberty yet, and this may impact greatly. Even if she is, she probably doesn't know it yet. This worst thing you could do would be to treat her like some sort of abberration, even if your intentions are good, which I'm sure they are. While being sensitive to her assumed sexuality is a good idea, basing how you treat her and bring her up would not be.

In terms of where to go for information, many parenting books will have at least a section on homosexuality, "Parenting Girls" comes to mind, although the chapter is not particulary detailed or insightful. There must be better books out there though.

If your daughter is a lesbian, please understand that she may not have typically lesbian (if such a thing exists) "feelings, thoughts, behaviors, relationships, speech and language, activity preferences, learning styles, sensations, and physical life preferences". Whatever information you find may not apply to her, and do not try to make it apply.

Being a sensitive, kind, interested and responsive parent will give her the support she needs, whether she's a lesbian or not. Really, that's all you can do, although reading a couple of articles on what she may or may not be feeling as she grows up may give you insight - but she may not feel how the articles say at all. She's your daughter, not a case study.

Good luck.
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pschuen  



Joined: 08 Apr 2005
Posts: 4


Posted: 2 May 2005, 8:59 am    Post subject: Thank you Rachel Reply with quote

Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me Rachel. I'm curious about a number of the ideas you expressed.
Can you tell me how you know that parenting a young lesbian is not significantly different than parenting any other young girl? I am experiencing great challenges helping my daughter cope with both gender and sexuality questions--that is why I'm seeking more information on "parenting a young lesbian." I am absolutely not treating her like an aberation--quite the opposite--I am trying to show her the greatest honor and respect by responding to her youthful sexuality lovingly and appropriately: hence the need for information. Many of my houehold's lesbian friends have shared "I-wish-my parents-would-have............." stories with me. I love these anecdotal bits of information because they have already been helpful on a number of ocassions, but I still wish I knew more.

You are correct about a number of parenting books touching on homosexuality, but the topic is covered povertously and only from adolescence on...unfortunately there is almost nothing on childhood homosexual thinking. Now that I think about it--I have not found much information on the sexual lives and thoughts of children of any preference--it is as if children do not have these thoughts, which is laughable. Perhaps it is still in the taboo zone of American society.

Thank you again for bothering to respond. I will chalk up one more in the "let it ride for now" column.
RachaelNW wrote:
Firstly, I think you're approaching this wrongly. "Parenting a young lesbian", as you put it, is not distinctly diifferent from parenting a heterosexual young girl. Also, you say this child is 8, and while you say you are 99% sure, she would not have hit puberty yet, and this may impact greatly. Even if she is, she probably doesn't know it yet. This worst thing you could do would be to treat her like some sort of abberration, even if your intentions are good, which I'm sure they are. While being sensitive to her assumed sexuality is a good idea, basing how you treat her and bring her up would not be.

In terms of where to go for information, many parenting books will have at least a section on homosexuality, "Parenting Girls" comes to mind, although the chapter is not particulary detailed or insightful. There must be better books out there though.

If your daughter is a lesbian, please understand that she may not have typically lesbian (if such a thing exists) "feelings, thoughts, behaviors, relationships, speech and language, activity preferences, learning styles, sensations, and physical life preferences". Whatever information you find may not apply to her, and do not try to make it apply.

Being a sensitive, kind, interested and responsive parent will give her the support she needs, whether she's a lesbian or not. Really, that's all you can do, although reading a couple of articles on what she may or may not be feeling as she grows up may give you insight - but she may not feel how the articles say at all. She's your daughter, not a case study.

Good luck.
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pschuen  



Joined: 08 Apr 2005
Posts: 4


Posted: 2 May 2005, 9:09 am    Post subject: Re: Parenting a young lesbian Reply with quote

Thanks drsilva--I have been to this site before and yes, it is wonderful, especially for emergent teens. I'm still looking for information on pre-emergent sexuality in girls, something in the 6-10 year old range. The quotes from young lesbians talking about what and how they felt when they were very young--that's the stuff I'm after. Right now, I'm gathering anecdotal information from lesbians I interact with regularly, I just want to find more. Thanks for contributing--I do appreciate it.

drsilva wrote:
pschuen wrote:
Where can I find information about how lesbians experienced childhood? I am 99% sure that my 8 year old daughter will identify as lesbian, and my husband and I want to support her all the way. Where can I find information on feelings, thoughts, behaviors, relationships, speech and language, activity preferences, learning styles, sensations, and physical life preferences of young lesbians? I am starting to think this should be my dissertation topic: Lesbian Identity in Childhood Development. Thanks in advance for your contribution!--Pam




Hi, I don't know if this is what you were looking for, but try YOUTH.ORG
It's an online info booklet for lesbian youth. Hope it helps.

Also, There might be some msn groups that may have info or people to talk to.
If not, you can always start one. drsilva..
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nielsen522  



Joined: 11 Jan 2010
Posts: 20
Interests: Surfing the web,Reading, Movies

Posted: 3 Feb 2010, 7:40 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Try lesbian.org. maybe the site can help you.
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"I've failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed."
Editor @ Daily Reviews
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